How to Lead Your Family from Me to We

By April 3, 2018 December 2nd, 2021 02. Foundational Dimension

Hi, Doug Andrew here.

Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity of going to New York City and being interviewed on Bestseller TV. The interviewer was incredible. If you get a chance, click on a link and watch this interview, it’s about 20 minutes.

The purpose was to talk to me about my most recent bestselling book “Entitlement Abolition – How to Lead Your Family from Me to We”. 


The interviewer was really good, and she was talking about this whole entitlement mentality that we see especially in America. As I was explaining to her, so many times in my career, I would have people come to me that had gone through the Great Depression or post-Depression era.

They would often say, “Wow, Doug, our kids will never have to work as hard as we did. Man, I used to have to go out and deliver firewood and deliver newspapers or work in the fields and pick fruit.” Yeah, I did to.

But they would sit there and talk about all the things like, “That’s what made me this man who has worked so hard…my kids will never have to go through what I went through.”

And I’d go, “Okay…”

Ten, 20 or 30 years would go, and these very same people would come into my office and I’d say, “So, how’s retirement? How are things going?”

They’d say, “Good but we just can’t understand our children. They don’t even know how to work.”

And I’d go, “You stole it from them. You took from them the opportunity to do what you sat there and bragged to me about 20, 30, 40 years ago about what made a man out of you. In your effort to maybe not have them go through what you went through, and giving them everything, what did you create?”

An entitlement mindset. “Mom, Dad, can I have…? Will you pay for…?”


It’s tough being a parent. We have six children in our family. We have sixteen grandchildren. But we have to be very careful that when they go through life, and they make certain decisions, and they struggle—instead of bailing them out of their problems, we want to be there to give them a hand up but not a hand out.

Sometimes they struggle even though they didn’t do anything wrong. All of a sudden, they get in an accident or they’re diagnosed with diabetes. And they go, “Why me?”

It’s very important, I feel, that we do not cultivate a victim mentality. “Oh, poor little you. We’ll make a special case for you here.” No, your Creator has trusted you with this challenge so that you can overcome and when you get through this challenge and this struggle, you will be stronger.

Just like when a butterfly is emerging from that chrysalis and the measure of its full creation is a monarch butterfly, when you see it struggle and you’re tempted to help it out, if you do, it will die.

And we don’t want our children to “die.” We want them to be able to struggle and come through strong, and that’s why we are firm believers in giving those we care about a hand up rather than just a hand out.


– Hard Work = More Strength & Resilience – From the Depression to World War II and even the Vietnam Era, earlier generations knew what it meant to work hard, persevere, and reap the rewards.

– Entitlement = Less Direction & Tenacity – More recently, there’s been a tendency for parents to make life easier on the next generation. While well-meaning, this kind of coddling has had debilitating effects.

Give a Hand Up, Not a Hand Out – By providing opportunities for our children and grandchildren to have some “skin in the game” of life, we can help them build the resilience and tenacity it takes to face life’s challenges and create consistent success.

– Tools, Resources and More – My book “Entitlement Abolition” includes several tools and resources parents can use to establish a system for clarifying family values and maintaining a Legacy Bank to pass along the Knowledge, Skills, Attitudes, and Habits (KASH) that can help future generations thrive.

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